Problems with Pets

This is a very lively piece of writing where the pets are described with plenty of detail and there are some wonderful moments of humour to keep the reader entertained. There is a clear structure with a strong, if sad, beginning, which attracts the reader’s attention, and an ending which is satisfying but could lead on to all kinds of other developments in a longer story. The sentences are varied and generally accurate, but this writer forgot about paragraphs after the first one to show the different stages in the story (see page 53). The use of vocabulary is excellent and the writer has tried to use a range of powerful words even if she was not absolutely clear how to spell them all. By having a go and spelling words like ‘terrotry’ by sounding it out, the reader can understand what she means. Mostly the punctuation is accurate although this writer could usefully go over how you use apostrophes to show possession (see pages 56-57).

By starting her story with Jill and what she is saying to her sister, this writer invites the reader to take part in what she is writing and the feelings are very familiar and well-expressed. The writing is organised into clear paragraphs, although perhaps the final sentence could have made a short paragraph to finish off the story. Referring back to the title at the end makes a strong ending. This writer uses some apt adjectives and adverbs and is writing with a variety of different sentence lengths which makes the story interesting to read. Using onomatopoeia (‘Clunk, cluk, chuk clunk!’) makes a very effective description of what happens to the car without needing to spell it out! There is a mixture of narrative, description and dialogue, and the plot has been kept simple and well-paced. Spelling and punctuation are mostly accurate, although this writer could go over punctuating dialogue (see pages 54 and 57).

My Family (1)

This writer has imagined a family with a huge number of problems in an amusing and entertaining way. There are some wonderful details about the way they live, which seems very odd, until you realise this is a story within a story and actually the story-teller is day-dreaming. This is a very sophisticated way to write and the writer’s use of paragraphs and gaps in the writing makes it quite clear what is going on. Feelings are explored which many of us share, so that the reader is closely involved. Going over some key spelling rules common misspelt words (see Section E pages 75-91) might be useful for this writer, although she is using some vivid vocabulary which the reader can generally understand even if it is not spelt accurately. Knowing about using the number words instead of digits would be useful for this writer.

My Family (2)

In this version of the title ‘My family’, the writer tells about a marvellous, invented set of wizards and witches that make up the family group, an original and entertaining variation on just describing her own family members. She writes about each character in a new paragraph. This makes her writing easy to understand, and by including details of what the characters look like as well as their amusing peculiarities, she brings them to life. The personality of the narrator, Hazel, comes through in the comments she includes about her family members and she includes the reader by appearing to answer his or her questions. This writing is very well punctuated, which makes it easy to read, and there is an extensive range of vocabulary and sentence types, as well as some successful imagery. The ending makes the reader want to read more, a sign of successful writing. There are a couple of spellings to master and the writer could revise using dashes and apostrophes (see pages 56-58), but this is assured story-telling.